I just gift wrapped bread.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
