I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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