using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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