paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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