You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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