and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
