I hope mine doesn't look like that
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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