genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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