hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
