Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
