I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize