Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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