Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
