Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize