After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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