I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm like, not good at living.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
