Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It's blow job season.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
