Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
