someone threw a dead crab at me
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
