My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
