all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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