I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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