Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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