We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
