i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
