Your face is a jimmy john
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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