So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Girls should come with a carfax report
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Randomize
