You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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