I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
