I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
