Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
