yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
