i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
