look no pants
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
