Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
