Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
