I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
