dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
