He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize