I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
