Pappa wants mamma naked
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You need a sexual gate keeper
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
