i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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