Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
