i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
