First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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