i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I will be naked everywhere
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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