It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
