Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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