I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
