You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
