I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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