the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
