if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
