I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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