just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
