You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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