This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
