I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
