how can u be prego again
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
