weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
