My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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