That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
