ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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