I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
