When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize