He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
