wrigley field is MILF paradise
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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