I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
