i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
