My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
