If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Terrible idea I love it
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