o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
