no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
