I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
