Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
