____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
this hospital has no fireball
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize