I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
