my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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