just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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