Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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