Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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