so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
