I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
