Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
