Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
barbara walters just said penis...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
