Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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