I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
