I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
