So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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