oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
