all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
