I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
