she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
