all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
